For a good part of my Christian life I was still struggling with God. I wasn’t willing to accept my place on the cross and believe that I have been crucified with Christ (Gal 2:20). I believed it intellectually and even in the religious circles I could put on the face of the victorious Christian but God knew, as did I, that I was still living the defeated Christian life. I wanted all of God but I wanted it on my terms…there is a vast gulf between being willing on God’s terms and wanting on my terms.
I had many teachings on living the “Exchanged Life” but each time I thought I could start living it God made it abundantly clear that I still wasn’t willing to receive His life by His terms. I would live 95% off of God but still held that little 5% back for myself…I was still my own idol because I would make the final decisions on everything and not God.
Some may call it “The baptism of the Holy Spirit” or “Complete Consecration to Christ” or “The Surrendered Life” doesn’t matter what you call it what matters is that you deal with God on that matter. Ask the Holy Spirit where am I not willing to be totally yours…and He is so gracious to show you. Or ask Him where am I living in unbelief…show me how to believe the truth of who I am in Christ. I remember the day before God in His eternal patience finally brought me into the fullness…it was almost 10 years after I had been saved. I wrote this in my journal:
“I find it to be at the height of hypocrisy when I bid people to “come to Christ” so that they can have life, so that their sins can be forgiven, so they can be new creatures but I am not willing to come to Him…I am not satisfied with Him. I continue in sin yet cling to my religious routine and traditions and shake my head at the world because they love their sin and want nothing to do with us who call ourselves “Christians” – Christ bearers. Life is only through Him and in Him abundant life but I am preoccupied with everything else, even my sense of duty in religion whether it be studying the Bible, praying, giving, going to church etc.
So I shake my head in disgust at the Pharisees but act just like them. Where I think I will find life and answers in the scriptures but I am not willing to spend time with God incarnate Himself…I really don’t want to know what He wants for me because I am not willing to accept it. Oh, that I would be satisfied with God alone and longing after His very presence.”
I can honestly say that since that day everything has changed…I finally got real with God and real with others and accepted my place on the cross with Him. The deceit I was under for so long was such a lie…I now know the abundant life. I believed Satan that I would hate being fully identified with Christ and that it would be a great burden but since the beginning he was a liar and his wiles were just that…trickery.
I think of the many loved ones that are so willing to do anything in their church and are being run ragged because they are not willing to come to Him for abundant Life. Don’t let Satan deceive you one more day, come to Christ and be fully identified with the Cross and nothing else…then Christ will give you His Life but only if you are willing.